Author: Carmine Cassara

So how does everyone feel about AI? Is it something that you use in your daily life? Is it something that you avoid at all costs? Do you just use it when you feel the need or get stuck on something? Or, like some misinformed people, are you afraid of AI and you think that it may take over the world someday, like in the movies? Whatever your situation or scenario, I, of course, have an opinion.

I believe that AI is something to be embraced. And I don’t mean just sit back and let AI take over your life, but there are times when it is very helpful. And, because of this, there should be limitations. People need to learn about AI and how to use it properly. If you think about it, without realizing it, we use some type of AI everyday. I mean, let’s realize something here, what do you think a search engine is? When you pop something into your Google search do you think there’s some little guy inside your computer who comes up with answers for you? It started as an unsophisticated version of AI.

Let’s look at it this way. When you use CoPilot, or ChatGPT, or Gronk, or whatever the case is, it’s kind of like a very sophisticated version of a search engine. You drop in a line asking “How do I get blood stains out of a white shirt”. I’m not judging here, could be a completely reasonable reason why you need to get blood stains out. But when you ask your AI this question, it scours the Internet trying to find you relevant answers. Where it goes a step further, is it also asks you questions to give you better results. Sure, you can also ask it to do things for you, like write a resume, but it stills needs your input to deliver on this.

This subject came up when my new company began telling us that they want us to engage AI more often. But as a way to remove or speed up the process of some remedial tasks, not to do our jobs for us. We were then also reminded to use AI carefully and not abuse the use of it. My company has offered online courses to learn more about AI–not so much what it is, but how to effectively use it. It’s not about how the use of AI could replace us (which is a perfectly logical fear), but how we could engage it to make us more productive. One of the courses I took stressed how AI is not very reasonable, it’s logical. And that the outcomes we receive from AI chat then need to be analyzed by a user. It can be refined by AI, but the user needs to reason with it and ensure it is an appropriate outcome.

I for one, do believe that AI should be embraced and is a very useful tool. It can make our day to day interactions easier; it can reorganize your schedule for you logically; it can help rewrite a thesis to make it more polished. The object is to not let this thought process take over, but to use it to your advantage. Make it another tool in your kit. Use good judgement when deciding to use it, and also use good judgement when receiving output from it. Because remember, all of these sci-fi movies may come true one day, and AI may take over and cause mass genocide, killing off the human race since we would no longer be necessary. Just kidding…or am I? Maybe AI actually wrote this post…………..

Well, well, well. So I’ve been told (thank you Amity) that I haven’t posted in a while. Not very uncommon for me, but I was posting quite a bit for a period of time. Truth be told, during that span I was jobless. My previous company deemed me irrelevant–though they have since found out I am also irreplaceable–idiots!! So, I was slowly searching for a new position–being I was contacted by another company which informed me they wanted to offer me a position. With this information, I felt no rush, no sense of urgency to actively pursue a new post. Hence, the numerous posts which seemed to spit out endlessly (by the way, there was a period, way back when, where I REALLY let this site lapse, and it was deleted, forcing me to start over again).

Time goes on and I don’t here from this supposed new company. Which then made me nervous, which then forced me to actively seek out a new position. Well let me tell you, if you have a job and you are even mildly happy with it, hang on to it. The job market now if brutal! I was posting my resume on sites a dozen times a day, and I might here back from one of those per week. When I was able to speak with someone and schedule an interview, I then felt as if I was a victim of age discrimination! I know what skills I have, I know the knowledge I’ve accumulated, and I know my value to a company. Yet, each time I completed an interview, I would here back a few days later with an email sounding very similar each time–“Thank you for interviewing with us. While your skills fit this position very well, we’ve decided on another candidate. But thank you for interviewing with us.” Another Candidate?! Another Candidate with more or better skills than me?! This is a joke right?!

No joke people. Happened over and over again–for months. I became very discouraged with the process, but I kept plugging away. Searching for positions, interviewing, sometimes even getting a second or third interview, but nothing. One day, I come across a job post, it seems too good to be true. Yet, I apply anyway, but still have little to no optimism in it. Then I get a call for an interview. I interview, everything seems to go well, same old same old. Then I get a call for a second interview. Same old same old, interview seems to well, I move on. Then I get a call for a THIRD interview, now I’m getting mildly excited about this. What if I actually land this position? I could be set for life. Third interview also seems to go well. Another call comes, they want a FOURTH interview–with a PARTNER! Yeah, PARTNER. This interview also seems to go well, and now I am VERY excited about this opportunity.

Mind you, I’ve been out of a steady paycheck for four months at this time. Unemployment pays well, but not that well. And I NEED to be working. We can’t have me sitting around mind idling too long, somethings gonna get broken. Anyway, now I wait anxiously for a response to this final interview. That response finally comes…in a familiar form, “Thank you for interviewing with us. Though your skills align with our practice very well, we have decided on another candidate. But thank you for interviewing with us”. ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME RIGHT NOW!!! That message almost put me over the edge, I was figuratively searching for a short rope and a high ceiling. (I know that’s inappropriate, that’s why I said “figuratively”) But, I’m now sitting around very depressed about this. And blaming myself for be so excited about this position–after all, why should I have thought this place was different than any other?

About a week later, I get a call from the same place that just informed me that I was useless and would never find another job. “Sike”, they said. “Did we tell you we didn’t want to hire you last week. No, we meant to say we wanted to hire you AND the other candidate”. Wait, what now?! Can you say that again in my good ear?! You DO want to hire me?! YES people, after months of job searching and self loathing, I finally landed a position. A GOOD position. A REALLY GOOD position. A REALLY GOOD and REALLY WELL PAYING position. A REALLY GOOD and REALLY WELL PAYING and REMOTE position. This new position and this new company are like something I have never experienced before, something I never knew EXISTED before. And people here are very upbeat and happy–it’s like they’re aliens or something. But I’m molding myself right into this culture. Yes, a bit strange for me, but they are signing my checks–my REALLY BIG checks.

During a conversation with a new co-worker one day, I explain how this all seems so strange to me. I am then informed that the hardest part of this job, is just getting my foot in the door with this company. And that it is near impossible to get fired. Excuse me. Obviously we’ve not yet met. And don’t you dare give me a challenge! You think I can’t get fired?! I then relay this information for Amity, to which she replies, “Just shut the fuck up and do your job!” Thank you.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my Son, dearly I love my Son. And we have done all of the typical Father Son bondings–playing catch, learning to ride a bike, teaching him to drive, being respectful to others (especially women), knowing how to act in social situations. And he has grown into a very decent young man, very much in my mold. Anything he needs, he knows all he has to do is ask. Nothing at all I would change about that. But…when my Daughter was born, everything changed for me.

From the moment CrazyBitch and I found out we were having a girl, I began stressing out. In the Doctor’s office when they broke the news, I was frantic. I even ask them to check again-was his wiener was just too small to find at that point? But alas, I would need to prepare for the inevitable. A Girl. I began to believe that karma must me real, and all of my past relationships would come back to haunt me.

Then she was born. Instantaneously it was over. My way of thinking changed. My values changed. My perceptions of what a woman should be, all changed. I had evolved, in the blink of an eye. As she grew, I found myself participating in tea parties, playing dolls, having dress-up fashion shows. It was CRAZY! This phenomenon had completely taken over. She grew some more, and we started watching girly movies and shows together, singing along to pop songs–and don’t even get started on the whole Hannah Montana thing!

She grew further, her dance career began and there was no end to my support (and trust me, I HATED those dance recitals). Her singing career flourished, and I felt the need to show everyone I knew videos of her singing as if I believed she had made the big time. I supported every single thing that she wanted to be involved in. I was the epitome of a Girl Dad–and it now longer bothered me, at all.

As time went by, I found myself not only supporting her in her ventures, but I began embracing strong females everywhere. Watching movies with female lead characters, trying to find out their stories to see how they may be similar to my daughter’s journey. Paying attention to women’s athletics, taking note of the influences which women like Dawn Staley have had and how they continue to teach and grow young people. Listening to female led rock bands, and even trying to find all female groups. Artists like Lzzy Hale and Maria Brink (who are both AMAZING artists and people) were just the beginning. I am full on supporting groups like The Warning and Baby Metal to no end. I share this information with any one who will listen. And I realize, as I’ve mentioned in a previous post, it must have all started with Alanis Morrisette–there is no stronger female persona than her.

In the end, I love both of my children to no end. Neither one of them more or less. And there is nothing which I would not do for either of them. But, becoming a Girl Dad has definitely changed me. I have always been respectful of women–I do not talk down to them, I hold doors and open car doors, I speak kindly to them, and I listen to what they have to say. The difference now is that I also support women. And if we can all just make a small effort in the same direction, it will make a huge difference for equality.

Inspiration..spiritual inspiration. This is what you have all been waiting for and this is also where it becomes controversial. I DO believe that we all need some type of inspiration. Most folks feels that spiritual inspiration is the answer, and honestly, if that helps you, then so be it. I am not here to hate on anyone’s religion. Personally, I am not a believer, but I also do not judge. If it makes you feel better, then more power to ya.

People NEED inspiration in their lives. Some need it to get through a tough time–the loss of a loved one, starting a new job, raising your children. Others need much more inspiration. These people struggle with disorders and/or addictions and need a kick in the ass just to get outta bed. We tend to rely on a higher power to help get us through these difficult events. If that helps you, again, I am not against it. The issue being, one cannot solely rely on someone or something else to get you through. Self-reliance, in my opinion, is a much better answer.

I am not saying to completely shut everything else off, lock yourself in a room and not come out until you see the light. And, supplementing with a dose of spirituality can also be helpful. Again, the issue is relying on someone or something else to get you through. YOU need to put in the work. YOU need to get yourself through. YOU need to get up off your lazy ass and do something about your situation.

Talk to others about your problems, then do something about it. Join a group of people with similar issues, then do something about it. Go to church or temple or synagogue or mosque, or whatever you idiots do, then do something about it. Read posts online (from reliable sources of course), then do something about it. Self-reliance will not be the only method you use, but it should be a big part of it.

The moral here kids, is that spiritual inspiration is not a bad thing, but it CANNOT be the ONLY thing. You need to do things for yourself. Feeling sorry for yourself and expecting, even wishing, for others to get you out…is a failure. Realize the strength that you have inside of yourself. Use that strength as a weapon. Become the best version of you. And, if you need some spiritual inspiration along the way, so be it.

Some people need inspiration to write. Me, I only need time. (If you thought I was speaking of a different type of inspiration, don’t worry, I’ll get to that at another point in time.) There are so many thoughts and ideas constantly running through my head, I don’t think I could ever run out of material. The problem, again, is time. I find myself jotting down notes about another random theory or speculation running wild in my noggin. Sometimes waking me in the middle of the night. Then I need to scribble it down so I don’t forget it later. At this point, my list is going on and on.

This is the ideal behind this website. It helps get these musings out of my brain. There is too much going on upstairs as it is. And I need to make room for more items to come–not even knowing when that may be. Writing has also become therapeutic (why the fuck is therapeutic spelled that way, I had to look it up) to me. Putting these briefings onto paper (who am I kidding, this stuff goes straight from brain to laptop) gives me an avenue to remedy my feelings or rationalize my behavior. It’s a calming breeze through my head-space where a fire needs to be put out.

Writing a book is the same inference. Some events, I feel, deserve recounting. And some of these happenings are much more involved and time consuming–so they deserve their space and more expanding upon. Hence, the reason for my first book. Also, the design behind my second book, which I am in the process of completing. But, yes, penning a complete publication is MUCH more involved and time consuming. I take my time with it. I re-read and re-re-read these accounts more intensely. I try to perfect it more, try to make it more readable, more enjoyable. Not that I don’t believe these posts are satisfying, they just make it from head to screen faster.

So there it is–my inspiration for writing. The reason for WHY I do this–along with my fourth grade teacher. It levels me, it keeps me sane, it gives me satisfaction. It would be nice to have all the time in the world to continue this passion, but unfortunately, it doesn’t pay the bills. We all need a real job for that particular reason. But, if that is not gratifying enough, we also need something that gives us joy. Besides the obvious friends and family ideal, of course. But…are they always that enjoyable???

I never viewed myself as a very emotional person. I obviously cried when each of my children were born. And on the night of my son’s graduation from college and my daughter’s graduation from high school, I cried uncontrollably at the thought of both of them leaving me for extended periods of time. I felt as if they were abandoning me, like they no longer needed me. It was a frightening feeling at the time. Even movies, the only film that ever made me cry was “Rudy”.

Now, somehow out of nowhere, I become very emotional at what seems like inconsequential events. Watching a movie when a child connects with a parent. Hearing a song speaking about the loss of a loved one. Reading some random post from someone about dealing with an illness. I understand that there is an emotional connection to these things, but it never used to affect me in this way. Why in the hell am I welling up watching a goddamn commercial for auto insurance?!

Is this the equivalent of female menopause or something? I don’t understand what is happening. Frankly, it’s a little embarrassing at times. I find myself trying to hold in emotions or fighting back tears–that I don’t think even garner this outburst! Someone make it stop!! I’m gonna loose my man-card over this shit!!

Social media is now common place in our society. The issue is with the misuse of this media. The amount of misinformation being doled out is ridiculous. Deciphering between facts and opinions is a full time job. Add to this the introduction of AI intruding into everything we see online, and you can become very misguided. Plus, the social media phenomenon has also reached addiction status–especially for those of us who suffer.

I won’t say that I think social media should be banned–there is some usefulness to it. But, there should be some limits put in place. I am a firm believer in age restrictions on ALL platforms. There are things which our children simply should not be subjected to. Let alone all of the online bullying and shaming that goes around. And even in adults, it has become a way of spreading falsehoods, either for self gratification or a means of advancing oneself–sometimes to make yourself feel better about your own insecurities.

Limits, in my opinion, can help bring our society back to normalcy. If everyone could just put their phones down and pay attention to REAL life, we could become a much better society. Spending so much time immersed in this fantasy world gives a false sense of reality. As I mentioned before, this can be dangerous for those with addiction issues. If you delve into these fantasies, you begin for believe what you are seeing as real and become lulled into false hope. I understand most people think this could be a good thing.

The problem is, just like any other addiction, it makes you forget about your realities. You begin to put other’s needs on hold, you forget to take meds, you stay up too late–which makes you late the next day, you skip meals. What happens is you begin to take what you see and read as advice and believe that you can apply these to your own life. Not everything that works for someone will work for everyone. When we distribute information about weight loss, or reaching financial goals, or being a better person; these methods do not work for all.

We, as a society, need to get back to social interaction. We need to be able to discuss face to face with people whom we actually know what our problems are. From there we can begin to find methods for healing, grieving, moving on, accepting, and so on. We have been spending way too much time hiding behind screens and not interacting. Human connection is essential to growth. It’s a necessity–everything which you feel from social media is just fantasy.

If the government or the social media giants will not institute any regulations, then we must do this on our own. Make your kids put their phones down and go outside to play. Do not allow them to have any such accounts until they reach a proper age. When you see someone online reaching out for advice, tell them to seek professional help. Invite people to physical gatherings. Just get people off of these platforms for extended periods of time. Again, I know there is some benefit to it–it helps keep contact with loved ones and long lost friends. Yet, there need to be limits–we do not need to advertise our entire lives to the whole world.

I recently finished reading “From Strength To Strength” by Arthur Brooks. The book is essentially about how to recognize our declines–both mental and physical. And how to move forward onto a new chapter in our lives. First off, I would recommend this read because it is very insightful regarding recognizing your decline and what to do about it. Second, I would NOT recommend this read because the author is very booshie–numerous references to his past and present ritzy life style, name dropping people none of us will ever meet in our lifetime, and having the ability to make wholesale changes in his life at the point of mid-life–pretty unrealistic to the average American.

Anyway, this is about recognizing when you start to decline, what your career half-life is, and how to move onto a productive next chapter. Some might see this as a mid-life crisis event, but it’s the total opposite–this is how to prevent a mid-life crisis. The most recognizable example of knowing your decline and moving forward with productivity is the professional athlete. How many times have we seen a player age in their sport, not want to give up only to hold on too long, then become a liability to his team? We all noticed the decline in their play, but they refused to see it. This is what we all must avoid.

The way through, is to find–in my opinion–a common vocation to our career to catapult into. Once again, we will use the example of the professional athlete. We have all seen the player who ends their career, when he or she should, to become a sports caster or a team owner? This is the example we are looking for. Some type of common ground to not make this transition too difficult. Using more common folk examples would be a construction worker becoming an owner; an auto mechanic becoming an instructor; a salesman becoming a manager; a financial consultant becoming an economy teacher. The object is to use the knowledge and experience which we have accrued to benefit others at this point. Because, let’s be honest, at the point of your declined you will have a difficult time learning new things without forgetting old ones.

Once again, the biggest issue in this situation is actually RECOGNIZING and ACCEPTING our decline. When you cannot accept this fate, this fact of nature, you will become foolish and possibly left behind, and lost. The author speaks of making wholesale changes at this point of decline, but let’s face it, this just isn’t feasible for most people. The most important thing is to recognize and accept it. From there, you will be able to research parallel shifts, brainstorm with others in your field, ask questions about next steps. And above all, don’t be afraid to ask for help, we will all decline at some point.

We have all heard of the family dynamic stereotypes. The youngest child is the favorite and is usually babied. The first born will take the brunt of most of the abuse (physical or mental) as a way of setting an example. Then there is the only child syndrome, where the child is always given everything and whatever they want, and in turn takes this belief of self righteousness into their adult life (I have numerous stories regarding this one–see ex-wife). And of course, there is the middle child syndrome–ignored, forgotten, left to find their own way often as an outcast. And that is me–the middle child.

Now in my family, this dynamic is wholly obvious, and even continues on with the grandchildren. Burnout was always the one getting in trouble and, as such, we were taught NOT to follow in his shoes. And HypoCon, well he’s still babied to this day–at 53 years old!! As I mentioned, the grandchildren are also graded on this same curve. TheNiece was first, and she is the example (at least in this case, she is a GOOD example). But, before my children were born, she was treated with only child syndrome. TheBoy was next, and as per the norm, he is the one blazing his own trail, not receiving much help from anyone, but also not looking for any such handouts. And of course, TheGirl, A-Typical youngest child! My Mother hates when we bring up comparisons of all the offspring and the offspring of the offspring during family gatherings (because SHE is the worst offender of these stereotypes)!!

Back to my issue–Middle Child Syndrome. Growing up, I was rarely involved in family centered decisions or events, I just seemed to be along for the ride. I grew up as a loner–doing things for myself, not asking for help with matters, figuring tasks out on my own. In turn, I took to being an individual–not following the crowd, liking things which I liked, doing what made me happy. But this also made me introverted and felt removed from most occurrences around me. Yet, in time, I began to realize that I wanted the same recognition that everyone else was getting–good or bad.

Of course, this individuality traveled with me into my adult life–along with the middle child syndrome. To this day, I still have difficulty asking for help and insist on figuring things out for myself. I’ve also found out the hard way that this is not necessarily the best way to go through life (see also, divorce). We all need help sometimes and we shouldn’t feel bad about ourselves or unworthy if we ask for it. In any case, my individuality continues to grow. And this has been allowed to grow because of my circle of friends–not my family (they still view me as an outcast). I’ve been lucky in that my circle of friends accepts me for who I am (sometimes for what I can do, too), they do not judge–and if they do , it’s to your face and meant as constructive criticism.

Now that we have defined these dynamics, take a look at your own family unit. Do any of these stereotypes fit? If not, how do they differ? Have these traits followed along with you into adulthood and what affect have they had? It’s an interesting little experiment, spend some time researching it–you just may learn a little something about yourself.