Category: thoughts

Don’t get me wrong, I love my Son, dearly I love my Son. And we have done all of the typical Father Son bondings–playing catch, learning to ride a bike, teaching him to drive, being respectful to others (especially women), knowing how to act in social situations. And he has grown into a very decent young man, very much in my mold. Anything he needs, he knows all he has to do is ask. Nothing at all I would change about that. But…when my Daughter was born, everything changed for me.

From the moment CrazyBitch and I found out we were having a girl, I began stressing out. In the Doctor’s office when they broke the news, I was frantic. I even ask them to check again-was his wiener was just too small to find at that point? But alas, I would need to prepare for the inevitable. A Girl. I began to believe that karma must me real, and all of my past relationships would come back to haunt me.

Then she was born. Instantaneously it was over. My way of thinking changed. My values changed. My perceptions of what a woman should be, all changed. I had evolved, in the blink of an eye. As she grew, I found myself participating in tea parties, playing dolls, having dress-up fashion shows. It was CRAZY! This phenomenon had completely taken over. She grew some more, and we started watching girly movies and shows together, singing along to pop songs–and don’t even get started on the whole Hannah Montana thing!

She grew further, her dance career began and there was no end to my support (and trust me, I HATED those dance recitals). Her singing career flourished, and I felt the need to show everyone I knew videos of her singing as if I believed she had made the big time. I supported every single thing that she wanted to be involved in. I was the epitome of a Girl Dad–and it now longer bothered me, at all.

As time went by, I found myself not only supporting her in her ventures, but I began embracing strong females everywhere. Watching movies with female lead characters, trying to find out their stories to see how they may be similar to my daughter’s journey. Paying attention to women’s athletics, taking note of the influences which women like Dawn Staley have had and how they continue to teach and grow young people. Listening to female led rock bands, and even trying to find all female groups. Artists like Lzzy Hale and Maria Brink (who are both AMAZING artists and people) were just the beginning. I am full on supporting groups like The Warning and Baby Metal to no end. I share this information with any one who will listen. And I realize, as I’ve mentioned in a previous post, it must have all started with Alanis Morrisette–there is no stronger female persona than her.

In the end, I love both of my children to no end. Neither one of them more or less. And there is nothing which I would not do for either of them. But, becoming a Girl Dad has definitely changed me. I have always been respectful of women–I do not talk down to them, I hold doors and open car doors, I speak kindly to them, and I listen to what they have to say. The difference now is that I also support women. And if we can all just make a small effort in the same direction, it will make a huge difference for equality.

Inspiration..spiritual inspiration. This is what you have all been waiting for and this is also where it becomes controversial. I DO believe that we all need some type of inspiration. Most folks feels that spiritual inspiration is the answer, and honestly, if that helps you, then so be it. I am not here to hate on anyone’s religion. Personally, I am not a believer, but I also do not judge. If it makes you feel better, then more power to ya.

People NEED inspiration in their lives. Some need it to get through a tough time–the loss of a loved one, starting a new job, raising your children. Others need much more inspiration. These people struggle with disorders and/or addictions and need a kick in the ass just to get outta bed. We tend to rely on a higher power to help get us through these difficult events. If that helps you, again, I am not against it. The issue being, one cannot solely rely on someone or something else to get you through. Self-reliance, in my opinion, is a much better answer.

I am not saying to completely shut everything else off, lock yourself in a room and not come out until you see the light. And, supplementing with a dose of spirituality can also be helpful. Again, the issue is relying on someone or something else to get you through. YOU need to put in the work. YOU need to get yourself through. YOU need to get up off your lazy ass and do something about your situation.

Talk to others about your problems, then do something about it. Join a group of people with similar issues, then do something about it. Go to church or temple or synagogue or mosque, or whatever you idiots do, then do something about it. Read posts online (from reliable sources of course), then do something about it. Self-reliance will not be the only method you use, but it should be a big part of it.

The moral here kids, is that spiritual inspiration is not a bad thing, but it CANNOT be the ONLY thing. You need to do things for yourself. Feeling sorry for yourself and expecting, even wishing, for others to get you out…is a failure. Realize the strength that you have inside of yourself. Use that strength as a weapon. Become the best version of you. And, if you need some spiritual inspiration along the way, so be it.

Some people need inspiration to write. Me, I only need time. (If you thought I was speaking of a different type of inspiration, don’t worry, I’ll get to that at another point in time.) There are so many thoughts and ideas constantly running through my head, I don’t think I could ever run out of material. The problem, again, is time. I find myself jotting down notes about another random theory or speculation running wild in my noggin. Sometimes waking me in the middle of the night. Then I need to scribble it down so I don’t forget it later. At this point, my list is going on and on.

This is the ideal behind this website. It helps get these musings out of my brain. There is too much going on upstairs as it is. And I need to make room for more items to come–not even knowing when that may be. Writing has also become therapeutic (why the fuck is therapeutic spelled that way, I had to look it up) to me. Putting these briefings onto paper (who am I kidding, this stuff goes straight from brain to laptop) gives me an avenue to remedy my feelings or rationalize my behavior. It’s a calming breeze through my head-space where a fire needs to be put out.

Writing a book is the same inference. Some events, I feel, deserve recounting. And some of these happenings are much more involved and time consuming–so they deserve their space and more expanding upon. Hence, the reason for my first book. Also, the design behind my second book, which I am in the process of completing. But, yes, penning a complete publication is MUCH more involved and time consuming. I take my time with it. I re-read and re-re-read these accounts more intensely. I try to perfect it more, try to make it more readable, more enjoyable. Not that I don’t believe these posts are satisfying, they just make it from head to screen faster.

So there it is–my inspiration for writing. The reason for WHY I do this–along with my fourth grade teacher. It levels me, it keeps me sane, it gives me satisfaction. It would be nice to have all the time in the world to continue this passion, but unfortunately, it doesn’t pay the bills. We all need a real job for that particular reason. But, if that is not gratifying enough, we also need something that gives us joy. Besides the obvious friends and family ideal, of course. But…are they always that enjoyable???

I never viewed myself as a very emotional person. I obviously cried when each of my children were born. And on the night of my son’s graduation from college and my daughter’s graduation from high school, I cried uncontrollably at the thought of both of them leaving me for extended periods of time. I felt as if they were abandoning me, like they no longer needed me. It was a frightening feeling at the time. Even movies, the only film that ever made me cry was “Rudy”.

Now, somehow out of nowhere, I become very emotional at what seems like inconsequential events. Watching a movie when a child connects with a parent. Hearing a song speaking about the loss of a loved one. Reading some random post from someone about dealing with an illness. I understand that there is an emotional connection to these things, but it never used to affect me in this way. Why in the hell am I welling up watching a goddamn commercial for auto insurance?!

Is this the equivalent of female menopause or something? I don’t understand what is happening. Frankly, it’s a little embarrassing at times. I find myself trying to hold in emotions or fighting back tears–that I don’t think even garner this outburst! Someone make it stop!! I’m gonna loose my man-card over this shit!!

Social media is now common place in our society. The issue is with the misuse of this media. The amount of misinformation being doled out is ridiculous. Deciphering between facts and opinions is a full time job. Add to this the introduction of AI intruding into everything we see online, and you can become very misguided. Plus, the social media phenomenon has also reached addiction status–especially for those of us who suffer.

I won’t say that I think social media should be banned–there is some usefulness to it. But, there should be some limits put in place. I am a firm believer in age restrictions on ALL platforms. There are things which our children simply should not be subjected to. Let alone all of the online bullying and shaming that goes around. And even in adults, it has become a way of spreading falsehoods, either for self gratification or a means of advancing oneself–sometimes to make yourself feel better about your own insecurities.

Limits, in my opinion, can help bring our society back to normalcy. If everyone could just put their phones down and pay attention to REAL life, we could become a much better society. Spending so much time immersed in this fantasy world gives a false sense of reality. As I mentioned before, this can be dangerous for those with addiction issues. If you delve into these fantasies, you begin for believe what you are seeing as real and become lulled into false hope. I understand most people think this could be a good thing.

The problem is, just like any other addiction, it makes you forget about your realities. You begin to put other’s needs on hold, you forget to take meds, you stay up too late–which makes you late the next day, you skip meals. What happens is you begin to take what you see and read as advice and believe that you can apply these to your own life. Not everything that works for someone will work for everyone. When we distribute information about weight loss, or reaching financial goals, or being a better person; these methods do not work for all.

We, as a society, need to get back to social interaction. We need to be able to discuss face to face with people whom we actually know what our problems are. From there we can begin to find methods for healing, grieving, moving on, accepting, and so on. We have been spending way too much time hiding behind screens and not interacting. Human connection is essential to growth. It’s a necessity–everything which you feel from social media is just fantasy.

If the government or the social media giants will not institute any regulations, then we must do this on our own. Make your kids put their phones down and go outside to play. Do not allow them to have any such accounts until they reach a proper age. When you see someone online reaching out for advice, tell them to seek professional help. Invite people to physical gatherings. Just get people off of these platforms for extended periods of time. Again, I know there is some benefit to it–it helps keep contact with loved ones and long lost friends. Yet, there need to be limits–we do not need to advertise our entire lives to the whole world.

I recently finished reading “From Strength To Strength” by Arthur Brooks. The book is essentially about how to recognize our declines–both mental and physical. And how to move forward onto a new chapter in our lives. First off, I would recommend this read because it is very insightful regarding recognizing your decline and what to do about it. Second, I would NOT recommend this read because the author is very booshie–numerous references to his past and present ritzy life style, name dropping people none of us will ever meet in our lifetime, and having the ability to make wholesale changes in his life at the point of mid-life–pretty unrealistic to the average American.

Anyway, this is about recognizing when you start to decline, what your career half-life is, and how to move onto a productive next chapter. Some might see this as a mid-life crisis event, but it’s the total opposite–this is how to prevent a mid-life crisis. The most recognizable example of knowing your decline and moving forward with productivity is the professional athlete. How many times have we seen a player age in their sport, not want to give up only to hold on too long, then become a liability to his team? We all noticed the decline in their play, but they refused to see it. This is what we all must avoid.

The way through, is to find–in my opinion–a common vocation to our career to catapult into. Once again, we will use the example of the professional athlete. We have all seen the player who ends their career, when he or she should, to become a sports caster or a team owner? This is the example we are looking for. Some type of common ground to not make this transition too difficult. Using more common folk examples would be a construction worker becoming an owner; an auto mechanic becoming an instructor; a salesman becoming a manager; a financial consultant becoming an economy teacher. The object is to use the knowledge and experience which we have accrued to benefit others at this point. Because, let’s be honest, at the point of your declined you will have a difficult time learning new things without forgetting old ones.

Once again, the biggest issue in this situation is actually RECOGNIZING and ACCEPTING our decline. When you cannot accept this fate, this fact of nature, you will become foolish and possibly left behind, and lost. The author speaks of making wholesale changes at this point of decline, but let’s face it, this just isn’t feasible for most people. The most important thing is to recognize and accept it. From there, you will be able to research parallel shifts, brainstorm with others in your field, ask questions about next steps. And above all, don’t be afraid to ask for help, we will all decline at some point.

We have all heard of the family dynamic stereotypes. The youngest child is the favorite and is usually babied. The first born will take the brunt of most of the abuse (physical or mental) as a way of setting an example. Then there is the only child syndrome, where the child is always given everything and whatever they want, and in turn takes this belief of self righteousness into their adult life (I have numerous stories regarding this one–see ex-wife). And of course, there is the middle child syndrome–ignored, forgotten, left to find their own way often as an outcast. And that is me–the middle child.

Now in my family, this dynamic is wholly obvious, and even continues on with the grandchildren. Burnout was always the one getting in trouble and, as such, we were taught NOT to follow in his shoes. And HypoCon, well he’s still babied to this day–at 53 years old!! As I mentioned, the grandchildren are also graded on this same curve. TheNiece was first, and she is the example (at least in this case, she is a GOOD example). But, before my children were born, she was treated with only child syndrome. TheBoy was next, and as per the norm, he is the one blazing his own trail, not receiving much help from anyone, but also not looking for any such handouts. And of course, TheGirl, A-Typical youngest child! My Mother hates when we bring up comparisons of all the offspring and the offspring of the offspring during family gatherings (because SHE is the worst offender of these stereotypes)!!

Back to my issue–Middle Child Syndrome. Growing up, I was rarely involved in family centered decisions or events, I just seemed to be along for the ride. I grew up as a loner–doing things for myself, not asking for help with matters, figuring tasks out on my own. In turn, I took to being an individual–not following the crowd, liking things which I liked, doing what made me happy. But this also made me introverted and felt removed from most occurrences around me. Yet, in time, I began to realize that I wanted the same recognition that everyone else was getting–good or bad.

Of course, this individuality traveled with me into my adult life–along with the middle child syndrome. To this day, I still have difficulty asking for help and insist on figuring things out for myself. I’ve also found out the hard way that this is not necessarily the best way to go through life (see also, divorce). We all need help sometimes and we shouldn’t feel bad about ourselves or unworthy if we ask for it. In any case, my individuality continues to grow. And this has been allowed to grow because of my circle of friends–not my family (they still view me as an outcast). I’ve been lucky in that my circle of friends accepts me for who I am (sometimes for what I can do, too), they do not judge–and if they do , it’s to your face and meant as constructive criticism.

Now that we have defined these dynamics, take a look at your own family unit. Do any of these stereotypes fit? If not, how do they differ? Have these traits followed along with you into adulthood and what affect have they had? It’s an interesting little experiment, spend some time researching it–you just may learn a little something about yourself.

We aren’t discussing today the road less traveled–that would be the more difficult path or the more individual path, the one that not everyone takes, only a select few. No, we are discussing the path not taken–the road which you chose not to take. We are faced with many, many decisions in our lifetime and the choices not made become the path not taken.

When you come across a rough patch along your journey, do you find yourself wondering “What if I had made a different decision all those years ago?” What if I had taken that bit of advise (or not taken that advise). What if I had turned here instead of there? What if I met a person at a different point in my journey? This creates a rabbit hole of unfathomable depths. Do you understand how each of our decisions and choices BECOME our journey?! Just simply dipping a toe into this hole can cause extreme regret.

At some point we need to realize that we are who we are. We consciously made these decisions to put us on this path. We are where we are for a reason. And that reason was chosen by each of us. Some of us are living with deep regret already. And some of us will constantly ask ourselves, “Why is this happening to me?” We need to realize our current state has been long ago decided upon–probably by ONE singular choice or decision, no matter how difficult that decision was. That choice put you where you are now.

And when you want to blame others or particular sets of rules or obligations for your current situation, stop and think back on all of those decisions you made in the past. You did this, you put yourself here. We always have a choice–we may not always make the best choice (sometimes we don’t take advice when we should), but we have a choice. It’s not always an easy choice, and sometimes the choice is obvious. The choice may also be forced upon us, but it’s still a choice.

But made no mistake, there is no backing out of this path you’ve put yourself on. You cannot go back and change your decision–this is what you are forced to live with. The path forward and your future decisions though, they are still up to you. Use your past choices, your past failures, your past victories, to shape your future choices. You may not be able to back out of your current path, but you sure as hell can blaze a new one in a completely different direction! So, if you are unhappy with your current situation, don’t dwell on the past or what ifs, take control of your next steps! Make good choices people!!

I just finished watching “Jagged”, the documentary on Alanis Morissette. I know, it came out years ago. Why haven’t I seen this yet? I did not know it existed! Anyone who knew me back then knew I was a HUGE fan of hers and also knew I had a HUGE crush on her. To the point that one of my great friends recently showed me a current photo of her, trying to shame her. I get, it we all change over time–physically, emotionally, etc.–not what this is about.

Anyway, while watching this documentary, it evoked numerous immediate emotional responses. These were charged responses that, in the moment, brought back feelings of a younger and different time. As the story goes on and Alanis goes into what she was going through at the time and what she was writing about, it made me understand the nature of these feelings. Without knowing it, I had found an ability to connect to something, something outside of my little bubble of a world. It spoke of individuality and the ability to just be yourself. Maybe that’s what I was lacking at the time–and coincided with my need to be my own person. Unbeknownst to me, Alanis’s music may have sparked my ability to not want to follow the crowd. I had always known I was different and that is what ignited my introverted nature. But when her music came out, I somehow knew it was OK to be myself.

Alanis’s music, her writing, it imitates REAL life. Not everyone gets that. It sparks these feelings because we can relate to it. We want-we need-these emotions and these experiences. It makes you feel human to hear someone who is glorified to sing about what is actually happening to you. My anthem seems to be “Perfect”. It’s about perfectionism (duh), which I’ve strived to be. But the realism of it is WHY we are trying to be perfect–and it isn’t for ourselves. It’s trying to make others happy with us and to accept us. And we feel the need to be accepted by everyone or that we need to be perfect to be worthy. Yet, we seem to keep failing or coming up short because the reality of it is–No One Is Perfect! (Not even me, although I tell everyone that I am.)

The writings of Ms. Morissette all have messages. And some of them have multiple messages–there is an ebb and flow to a lot of her songs. Her main messages are of empathy and hope. It lets you know that you are not alone and not the only one feeling this way. It also preaches that there is hope–everyone can change, everyone can overcome, everyone can be better. So, Alanis Morissette, I thank you for helping to mold me into who I am.

I’ve recently lost my REAL job, which is what has triggered this post. Not from anything that I did or didn’t do, simply from the short sightedness of management. But, I am over it, I took a moment to reflect and compose, now it’s time to grow. Everyone will say that change is difficult–whether it is self driven or it’s forced upon you.

Change IS difficult, but it will also make you stronger. You take your past lessons and apply them to the future. Where there is a negative experience, there is a way to spin it positive. The downfall is letting it affect you in a negative way. Perseverance is very powerful and we need to harness this power to get to a better place–a place we WANT to be in.

I believe that wherever we are–in life, in location, in mental state–is where we belong. But, if you don’t like where you are, that is where you need to change. And yes, it will be difficult because we get comfortable in our surroundings. Yet, it becomes power and we need to use that power to become better.

I am also reminded of the lyric “Tear the whole world down”. What this is saying is that sometimes, in order to make this change, you need to be willing to throw it all away, literally flush it down the drain, in order to create something better and start over. I am not yet at this point, as my career is still very fluid, but I know deep down, that if I were faced with this challenge–I WOULD “Tear the whole world down”!