We have all heard of the family dynamic stereotypes. The youngest child is the favorite and is usually babied. The first born will take the brunt of most of the abuse (physical or mental) as a way of setting an example. Then there is the only child syndrome, where the child is always given everything and whatever they want, and in turn takes this belief of self righteousness into their adult life (I have numerous stories regarding this one–see ex-wife). And of course, there is the middle child syndrome–ignored, forgotten, left to find their own way often as an outcast. And that is me–the middle child.
Now in my family, this dynamic is wholly obvious, and even continues on with the grandchildren. Burnout was always the one getting in trouble and, as such, we were taught NOT to follow in his shoes. And HypoCon, well he’s still babied to this day–at 53 years old!! As I mentioned, the grandchildren are also graded on this same curve. TheNiece was first, and she is the example (at least in this case, she is a GOOD example). But, before my children were born, she was treated with only child syndrome. TheBoy was next, and as per the norm, he is the one blazing his own trail, not receiving much help from anyone, but also not looking for any such handouts. And of course, TheGirl, A-Typical youngest child! My Mother hates when we bring up comparisons of all the offspring and the offspring of the offspring during family gatherings (because SHE is the worst offender of these stereotypes)!!
Back to my issue–Middle Child Syndrome. Growing up, I was rarely involved in family centered decisions or events, I just seemed to be along for the ride. I grew up as a loner–doing things for myself, not asking for help with matters, figuring tasks out on my own. In turn, I took to being an individual–not following the crowd, liking things which I liked, doing what made me happy. But this also made me introverted and felt removed from most occurrences around me. Yet, in time, I began to realize that I wanted the same recognition that everyone else was getting–good or bad.
Of course, this individuality traveled with me into my adult life–along with the middle child syndrome. To this day, I still have difficulty asking for help and insist on figuring things out for myself. I’ve also found out the hard way that this is not necessarily the best way to go through life (see also, divorce). We all need help sometimes and we shouldn’t feel bad about ourselves or unworthy if we ask for it. In any case, my individuality continues to grow. And this has been allowed to grow because of my circle of friends–not my family (they still view me as an outcast). I’ve been lucky in that my circle of friends accepts me for who I am (sometimes for what I can do, too), they do not judge–and if they do , it’s to your face and meant as constructive criticism.
Now that we have defined these dynamics, take a look at your own family unit. Do any of these stereotypes fit? If not, how do they differ? Have these traits followed along with you into adulthood and what affect have they had? It’s an interesting little experiment, spend some time researching it–you just may learn a little something about yourself.